When should you let go of your Marriage.
Ending your marriage is one of the most difficult decisions to make.
How do you know that its time to let go of a bond that you thought was forever?
Despite your best intentions and hopes, carrying on in a disconnected marriage can be painful. Is divorce then the best option for you?
One can never really tell. As a therapist I have seen relationships heal, couples rebuilding their lives together and unexpected shifts happening between two people.
Beyond the obvious — that is Communication and Counselling, there are, in my opinion, two other factors you need to consider before you throw in the towel on your relationship.
Firstly, your deep down intent to revive the relationship. In the midst of all the toxicity, if you are able to see some positivity in the relationship and willing to work at healing the relationship regardless of the challenges, only then will you be able to move from what you once defined as irreconcilable differences to a new connect laced with empathy and understanding.
‘Conflict’ doesn’t always equal to ‘end of a relationship.’ Its what you do with your conflicts that matter. Both of you need to revisit your areas of struggle, keeping in mind that your spouse also wants to be in this relationship as much as you do. Give room for imperfections and allow healing to take place.
The pain and its scars can be glaring but are you both willing to work at going beyond it? That’s what matters.
Secondly, take some time off to introspect — how much of the problems are due to the relationship and how much due to you - the phase and stage of life that you are in.
Being in a satisfying relationship requires you to take care of yourself emotionally. Do things that boost your self- esteem. Do you have a fulfilling life outside of your relationship? What are your trigger zones? Spend some time alone to rediscover and reconnect with yourself. Figure out what exactly you are looking for in your marriage. Maybe all these years you haven’t tended to yourself. Start now. Write. Journaling is an effective way to bring clarity to the mind. As you write you will be sorting out your thoughts, identifying your non- negotiables [needs] and determining the areas where you can be flexible. This clarity and self awareness will help you know and understand yourself better. It will help you to express yourself and your expectations more authentically.
Self awareness can change the dynamics of your relationship which could lead to you putting in more energy and effort to revive your relationship or drift apart realising that you have reached a point of no return.
Sometimes after all the soul searching you come to the conclusion that divorce is the healthier way out. Oftentimes walking away from a marriage can be the best gift you can give yourself especially if there is addiction or abuse. But divorce isn’t easy, it brings about intense emotions like hurt, anger confusion and even guilt. Make sure you have a safe space to sort out these emotions in a safe space.
