This Crazy lil thing called Love.

‘You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.’

At some point in our lives, we all have experienced that ‘tingly -all-over’ feeling that fills up our chest, leaving us feeling both empowered and vulnerable at the same time .

Romantic love — [The one where sparks fly when eyes meet that special someone,] is said to be at the apex of all other relationships in terms of headiness, euphoria and contentment.

In a matter of weeks this mushy love transforms into a committed relationship. To know that we are cherished and that our happiness matters to another, fills us with renewed energy and make each day sunnier than the day before. It spells safety , comfort and unwavering trust.

So, we let down the walls of our heart, swing its doors wide open and allow another to enter our world. We share the most intimate part of our lives and trust that they will respect us , be loyal to us and love us.

Your partner becomes your priority — their happiness and sadness matter to you more than anything else. Day by day this attachment grows and you begin to forge a bond that words can’t describe completely.

This excitement of being in love is heady and like a beautiful dream. As time goes by this initial euphoria gives way to a more predictable existence. The magic and energy that once was gets more passive and routine.

Relationships can be difficult, and navigating through its ‘ebb and flow’ phase is very real.

At times the stinging waves of betrayal come lashing out, trampling down and rolling over the boundaries and unspoken rules that form the cornerstones of a relationship.

Someone you hold so dear to your heart has moved in a direction that’s insensitive to your needs and never once considered what their actions could do to you.

In a daze and filled with disbelief you stagger, trying hard to hold on to a firm footing so you don’t get swept away by the tornado that just hit you.

Having your dreams and hopes wrenched away from you ruthlessly, as betrayal usually does, is followed by a sense of disorientation. Life seems unbearable as you stumble senselessly through the pain, anger and hopelessness with a damaged self-esteem and a morbid pre-occupation with events of the past,

Clutching the shattered pieces of trust, you try to make sense of what’s happened.

So many ‘Why’s’ swirl through your head; Answers to which don’t help as they keep you trapped in the past , ruminating over events and leaving you as broken as you were when you started

Grief rips through your heart. Tears flow ….stop… and then flow again. The loss you feel is devastating.

Loss isn’t a word you usually associate with betrayal, but as you stare at the gaping hole inside your heart you are convinced that this is a loss — A loss of trust.

The firm belief that this person wouldn’t hurt you lie like old grey leaves on the sidewalk. and what pains even more is that this breach of trust was a choice. A purposeful choice someone took regardless of how the other would feel.

Where do you go from here ? What does the road to recovery look like? Are there a series of steps to take to step-up the healing?

The sting of betrayal takes its own time to heal.

Start by acknowledging the pain .

Healing requires you to accept and come to terms with what has happened. Our dreams and goals have been assailed, leaving us feeling insecure, helpless and not in control of our life. Leaning into this trauma is painful but like a broken puzzle it has to be worked with, putting back the pieces of yourself with compassion.

Take time out before you make decisions.

Take time before you decide whether to end a relationship or repair the damage. The pain is too deep and too raw to decide anything right away. Instead let self-care take centre seat.

Pay attention to your sleep, diet and exercise.

A warm bath and relaxing music can be just what you need for sound sleep. Along with watching your favourite films and doing nothing , try and include some mood boosting activities like walking, playing with your pet, going for a swim or mindful breathing.

It’s easy to overeat or skip your meals, instead snack on energy boosting food and make sure to hydrate yourself.

Let your feelings flow — Journal; Reach into the deep recesses of your heart and write , write , write.

Betrayal is one of life’s greatest challenges. The damage it causes is agonizing. The only way to deal with this grief is to go through it with the belief that healing is possible.

Even after the pain seems to have eased , there will be days when you feel the sting all over again. The key is to be kind to yourself. Tell that beautiful, brave heart of yours that she will heal.

Resist the urge to let this betrayal define you and step forward despite the pain, with optimism, courage and self-compassion.