‘Soaking Up the Good’ — Getting Rid of our Negativity Bias.
Our penchant for focusing on the negative stuff happening in our lives is a hand me down from our cave-dwelling ancestors.
Back then, being alert and focusing on the dangers in the environment helped them survive, but today, favoring the imprinting of negative information in our brains for long periods of time, end up muffling all the positive experiences we’ve had.
Imagine, you’ve spent the day out with your family, watched a film, shopped, and ended the day with a dinner laced with laughter and bickering. Going home, your son reminds you of something he needs for school the next day — and then, you argue, and your spouse joins in and he picks on you and chooses that very moment to highlight your flaws; You get home exhausted and in a bad mood. For days you aren’t able to get over all the negative comments made on that day. You peg that day as a negative experience although only a small part of the day was turbulent. The rest of the positive experiences you had on that day takes a back seat.
This is what psychologists refer to as a ‘negativity bias’ — Our in built tendency to give more attention to the negatives rather than the positives — in ourselves, in others and in our daily experiences.
Which means, the bad stuff stick faster and lingers longer in the brain, than the happy stuff.
That’s why when I am shown pictures of me having a great time with my friends, I am quick to spot all the flaws — my hair not curling the right way or the tip of my nose looking so bulbous or me looking shorter than the rest of my friends and so forth. The good times are pushed to the back and I end up letting my thoughts focus on how unflattering my photographs are.
The very same negativity bias that served our ancestors well, is now a hindrance to our wellbeing and productivity, as all it does now, is keep our brain obsessed with the adverse experiences of life.
That’s why they say that it takes more than three compliments to make up for one criticism!
Who says you need to accept this bias? You can counterbalance this disproportionate focus towards negativity by-
· Being Mindful of the daily happenings in your life. How do you observe the world around you? Are you one of them who pays more attention to the negative happenings in your life?
· Making a conscious effort to value and appreciate all the positive things happening in your life. Savor them and allow them to soak into your memory and feel good about them.
· Recognizing when negative thoughts like juggernauts begin to take over your brain. At that time break the pattern of negativity by doing something that keeps you from feeding these thoughts- go for a walk, listen to music or call a friend.
· Talking to that inner voice which points out all your shortcomings. Be calm, gently change his perception and point out to him the bigger picture where both positive and negative experiences coexist. Be kind to yourself.
· Practicing gratitude. Life has innumerable challenges but there is a multitude of blessings beneath the surface, which is taken for granted. Train your mind to look for them and shine your spotlight on them. It is an antidote to focusing on the negatives.
The good news is that our brains innate neuroplasticity make it possible to retrain it to spot the good things in life. We construct our reality. A large part of how we feel depend on where we choose to put our attention.
With conscious awareness and practice we can find many opportunities to weave in the sunny moments of our lives, into the fabric of our brain, thus overriding its natural tilt towards negativity.
