Feeling Valued — An Innate Universal Need.

What does it really mean to feel valued?

It’s a feeling that says — You matter ; You make a difference.

It translates to feeling good about who you are and the talents and skills you possess.

It’s when you believe that your opinions and ideas are a worthwhile addition to the people who connect with you.

It’s when you have family and friends who care about your wellbeing and you can sense that care in all their interactions.

Feeling valued is different from being liked.

When you feel valued you know that your contribution to a conversation or in a relationship has been acknowledged and thought of as worthwhile.

As human beings all of us want to feel that we matter, and that people close to us care and cherish our presence –They respect and admire us, that we make a difference in their lives.

This endorsement gives us a sense of belonging and a desire to better ourselves each day.

Sadly, outside forces sometimes don’t give us this feeling of worth. Their actions or reactions or judgments sometimes leave us feeling disappointed.

We begin to question our worth and feel small and not good enough.

This can have disastrous repercussions –

You constantly end up giving way for others to do what they want at the expense of your needs and your happiness.

You tolerate abuse and stay in the relationship because you aren’t sure of your ability to handle challenges on your own.

You prefer to not take a stand on things as you don’t believe your ideas and views are constructive.

You are complacent and don’t strive for greater things simply because you don’t think you deserve any better, and many such self defeating habits.

Looking for the world to give you that sense of worth is like putting yourself on trial only to be sentenced to a lifetime of self defeating beliefs.

We are all born with potential enough to live fruitfully.

Recognising this is the key to feeling valued.

The value you place on yourself is the only kind of worth that’s in your control.

When you are comfortable in who you are and appreciate yourself and your worth, its then that you open the gateway to better relationships, better opportunities and a happier you.

Another key factor attached to valuing ourselves is our mental health. Feelings of shame, anger, pain are a byproduct of not feeling valued. These feelings then go on to get deep rooted and emerge as negative emotional states like depression and anxiety.

A quote that we need to keep at the top of our mind is:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” Buddha

It can be a difficult task to learn to value yourself after years of believing that you are not good enough.

All the same it isn’t an impossible task.

Each day think of small actions you could do to remind yourself that your soul deserves nourishment and affection.

Write at least 3 things that you appreciate about yourself. Read them everyday to get a change in perspective during times when you need it most.

Get in touch with what’s meaningful to you and live by those values.

Comparing yourself to others, is a sure way of sidelining all the awesome things you can do or have done. It undermines your own subjective well being. Be it a lifestyle choice or a faith tradition, make your own standards.

Einstein said “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid”.

Find the time to practice a hobby. Seek out events on subjects close to your heart and make time to attend them.

Spend time each morning reflecting on what you have done or would like to do and continue the day doing most of the things that you had decided.

Practice acts of kindness. Make deeds of compassion and kindness a part of your daily routine. This simple skill is transformative in increasing your self value.

In a group get into the habit of speaking up for yourself. It may seem difficult initially but try it — it’s a liberating feeling.

Be accountable for all the going ons in your life. This way you don’t live a life of blame or justifications. Instead you take on challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.

The struggle to feel valued is very real and often the least acknowledged.

Without this core emotional need, the world does not feel a safe place to explore.

The only way to fulfil this compelling need is to develop it inside out. Start by valuing yourself and slowly you will begin to attract it from the outer world.